To Build An Old House

To build an old house

One must first confront impossibility.

It is possible, yes, to lay a new floor

With worn boards.

But the paths are undone.

The knots and warps must be laid out,

And reunited with such care and tact,

To be pinned down with elder nails

That need be pulled from older boards,

One by one, so they lift themselves

Straightly, able still to sink again without

Risk of warp or bend.

Already, I am at risk of losing you.

Because to build an old house is labor more than to build anew,

And, at times, a man will find himself without friend.

And to build an old house is to recognize

That we are all born fools –

It takes years to seize.

We don’t know what is in our eyes,

We don’t know what the house might be.

And this business of building an old house goes on.

Even after the floor is laid,

We are fools to the matter of the doors,

Until we find their elder knobs, their elder frames.

And still there are the hinges, the locks, there are the keys.

At any point you could ruin my plans with a letter.

Stop my building and planning and drafting.

Each word leading me further away from the structure.

And on the windows there are the curtains frayed

And tying the curtains there is the tatted lace.

To build an old house one must look down and say

These are my arms

They are the tools

I have carried and put to use

Weaving sometimes with yours

And before you that stiffened and swayed.

And didn’t always wait for instructions.

Didn’t wait to hear what you’d say.

They have lived in many boxes.

They have slept in many beds.

They have earned their keep –

sewn seeds, and carried heavy crates.

And this is how one knows that ones arms are to build a home.

A place to retreat.

Because there have already been nights alone.

There has already been sleet and snow.

There have already been other men

To whom you have made promises – one can’t know.

And I’d rather not feel them slackened and empty.

I’d rather use them to build a home.

Still, at your call I’d stop to build this artifice

This new but old home,

Because though I’ve worked with determination,

I’d rather not build alone.