The Things I Learn From Ted

Genre: Cultural Commentary, Humor

I learn many things from Ted. For instance, he once taught me that it's ok to snap your fingers and move your head back and forth when speaking to anyone inferior at the work place, especially when they're older and/or fatter than you. Furthermore, his lexicon is one that has required some amount of research, but has ultimately helped me understand the precocious world of 14 year old domination in which I live. Below are just a few examples:

T a k e a m i n u t e authentic neo-afro-queen diva expression used to communicate an alternate way of dealing with any problematic situation; usually complemented by dirty weave.

W h o K n e w ? An aside said to the audience while showing something crafty on TV, like making a wedding dress completely out of dryer lint, or polishing your silver with peanut butter.

H o w f u n ! A young-at-heart mother or valley girl slash Laguna Beach-type viewing pictures from prom, vacations or houseparties. Can also be used by a talk show host listening to their guest's anectdote about the shenanigans while on the of the set of their new movie.

L a t a z ! (Lay-Tahz) a farewell said with lollipop in mouth and wheelie backpack in tow. Hot pants are a plus. carrying a small dog, like a chihuahua, a must.

L o v e t h a t ! TV fashion guru eunuch-homofag commenting on the a-line skirt and sassy kitten-heeled mule that turned one woman's look from drab to fab!

W o r k i t o u t ! An encouraging statement that has its origins in Black America, but thoroughly adopted by eunuch-homofag minority. Its at home on the runway or in the dance studio, as well as any conversation where the word "fierce" is an appropriate adjective to describe one's actions.

A t o u c h o f w h i m s y: a must have for any home-decorating show, best used when speaking about a faux-finish or the decorative wallpaper border you cleverly used as a chairrail.

S o d e a l w i t h i t ! : Sam goody keychain that is attached to your LL bean or Jansport backpack that explains your thirteen-year-old percocious outlook on life.

B - T - d u b s : A variation on btw or by-the-way its an updated internet lingo classic, for those in college who still use ttyl irl and need to give it an air of sarcasm.

D u n z o ! used when refering to a major breakup, usually in the lives of Hollywood "it" couples.